


Lovestoned

by coverofnight



Series: Break Me Down [5]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 06:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12475608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coverofnight/pseuds/coverofnight
Summary: Inspired by KryssiKakes' comment on my 'We Don't Do This' fic.





	Lovestoned

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by KryssiKakes' comment on my 'We Don't Do This' fic.

For weeks, I circle round Vera in a rose-tinted haze. Nothing in front of me seems clear; Vera calls my name and I am reduced to nothing.

From my bedroom window I look down on her as she shuffles boxes into my house. I cannot find it in myself to help her. I refuse to seem so over-eager that I can't contain my own sense of hope for our future.

_She cares for me and that is enough._

Much to my chagrin, my love for her is all-consuming. It follows me everywhere, like a shadow that's lost its true image, to the darkest corners of my mind. Even with her standing just a few feet away, I feel as though I might lose her. So, I learn to take hold, to accept the things I cannot change.

Tonight, in _our_ bed, she'll hold me close and hold me fast. She'll cast her lover's spell and open me up to a world I might have never known without her. In return, I will overlook the minor inconveniences of sharing a home with someone so different from myself. I won't mind a dirty glass left in the kitchen sink. Or a fingerprint pressed onto the bathroom mirror. Or even strands of wavy hair clumped in the shower drain.

All of this I can overcome, if not for a little bit of affection in return. Perhaps it's a good thing.

_This is all I have ever wanted._

She has me drunk on her love. In the mornings, I rise out of bed fresh from her embrace and march straight into my destiny with a renewed sense of purpose. Vera is there to greet me at every turn. We are power. We are strength. We are love.

With her, I am on a permanent high. I understand now how potent a drug love is and how much havok it can wreak on the mind and body. Each and every decision I make now is made to retain that high, to garner a deeper understanding from her.  _I physically ache for her._ I am no better than the addicts and ingrates over which Vera and I preside.

 _No_. _I am far, far worse._

Being with her, serving her, loving her is everything I have ever dreamed of. For the first time ever, I have changed my plans for dreams. For missed opportunities. For bodily pleasure. For love.

The tragedy of loving is that it is never equal. One always loves more and can never quite break even. I fear that I am this half of our union. The one who loves more, who can’t bear to part, who is less whole when the other isn't there. At least, that's who I was with Jianna.

_How much have I really changed in all these years?_

I pace around the bedroom, hands folded over my chest, as I watch her fill the voids in my life. A gleeful smile spreads across her lips as she fluffs her favorite pillow and hurls it onto the bed. Then she unpacks the bits and pieces of her life and places them beside mine in our bedroom closet.

_Now we share everything...except the danger that still lurks within me._

It bubbles to the surface on nights when she seems especially weak and docile in bed. When she makes herself small and vulnerable beneath me, I choke down the urge to put my hand to her throat and squeeze to strain her breathing. I want desperately for her to feel what I do, to show her just how overwhelming the promise of her love can be. Yet at the same time...

I want her to be happy; I want her to be satisfied even if that comes at my own expense. I want her to know that love can be kind to the heart and pleasing to the senses because, without knowing, she'll end up like any one of the women in our charge. She'll have discovered herself too late and harbor regrets about what life could have been had she followed a different course. As her chosen one, it is my duty to make sure she knows the breadth and scope of love itself.

_As always, I must make sacrifices._

One day, perhaps, she'll know what it means to submit to me completely. One day, I'll look down at her and the light will have gone out of her eyes; she'll have come to understand that although she is full of power, she cannot use it on me.

_Nothing is more satisfying than seeing an image of strength lose its resolve because of you._

I live to see that, yearn for it even. Until then, we’ll make dinner side by side; I'll massage her shoulders after a hard day’s work; she’ll nestle her head to my chest. Until then, I’ll lie before her fully spread so she can straddle me and press her wet lips into mine. We’ll rock our hips to a soundless rhythm until one or both of us reaches the peak of our pleasure.

We'll make do until the day I know she's ready for me to show her all I can do. I will help her reach new heights--sexually, emotionally, psychologically. And on that day, I will reclaim my power.  


End file.
